Tag Archives: buddhism

Memories of a Romanian self-proclaimed Guru: Berlin 2003

Zentrum fur spirituelle Entwicklung

Zentrum für spirituelle Entwicklung

For a university course I took earlier this year, I had to select a leader and determine their driving force. Although it was obviously suggestive of choosing a well-known or current leader, when I really stopped to think about the question there was no one I wanted to write about except a man whose name I’ve now forgotten. I wished to select this man because it was someone I didn’t know previously, have never seen again nor probably ever will, and have only marginally heard mentioned since yet he had a large gathering at the time.

This man was a Romanian spiritual leader who’d traveled to western Europe to spread his philosophies and draw more people to his cause, which was obscure to me, besides what seemed a wish to have followers, acolytes, disciplies. He had trained with Buddhist monks and Hindi gurus, as well as a number of Christian leaders in his pursuit of enlightenment.

On this particular evening, the day before Christmas Eve, which is the celebrated holiday in Germany, not necessarily Christmas Day, I was invited by a roommate to visit her yoga house where this Romanian wandering spiritual leader would be reading what he termed “The Lost Letters of Christ”, letters supposedly written by Jesus Christ but which hadn’t been included in the Christian’s bible. It was never made clear how he came to receive these “letters”.

This was a man perhaps in his late twenties at best, long-haired and bearded, with a curious look in his eye, distant yet focused. I immediately felt he was under the influence of some narcotic or mind-altering drug. And looking around the room, I was certainly the odd man out.

I do not practice yoga, I am very much anti-religion and Christianity although I have studied it, along with Hinduism, Buddhism and a number of other religions. I am conversative in emotional expression except among a very small group of friends perhaps because I’m a former law enforcement officer. In many ways, I could have been the perfect disbeliever and heretic, yet there was something about him…. Already settled on his cushion in a dias on the far wall, his followers all around and visitors like myself, total quiet settled. He looked at each person in turn several minutes, myself included, then began to read.

Having read the bible a number of times, I can see where the contents, stories and references mentioned in the letters might have been considered true. They were somewhat sensationalized, yet people hung on his every word.

He exuded a confidence which was undeniable and arousing. It was truly uncanny. Following his reading, and at the request of a number of others there began sexual games of exploration where everyone who wished could engage: male, females, everyone together, or individually or as couples. As open-minded as I am, this wasn’t something I wished to participate in at that time and eventually withdrew, so I don’t know what the eventual outcome was. Though I confess…(I have to smile) I do have photos far beyond the single I posted here.

My point is using this “nameless” Romanian spiritual leader for my essay question was to highlight the strange nature of this person’s charisma and power. I am very much unmoved in many things, yet I could feel the attraction of wishing to have his attention, to do what he requested, to wish to gain his approval, and could clearly see it in his followers, and saw it grow in the visitors, including my roommate who, afterwards, with shining eyes said he was the most brilliant man she’d ever known, which I found very curious as she wasn’t just a twenty-something with limited experience but a sixty year old woman.

I could see clearly in this man that he loved the power, was intoxicated by it, you could see it in his smile and actions. In that, he very much reminded me of some of the most disgusting condescension and vice I’ve observed in some leaders and members of Christendom.

Achievement was a brutal goal you could also perceive in his gaze. He’d achieved what he wished: a following, and was fueling it’s growth. Affliation was less a need, for he’d studied with masters, yet struck his own path combining what he wished and discarding what he didn’t need. Power was his primary goal.

Beware. Be wary.

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A Painful Break-up, A Sutra and Dashboard Confessional

I am not Buddist, nor any religion for that matter and never will be, but I have a very clear sense of belief and a willingness to accept the positive messages for me, whatever their source.

This was one really changed my life for the good. A sutra, I don’t remember the number and name although I had it once. It followed a time when I was agonized by regrets as a long-time relationship exploded into a conflagration which blazed through the whole state in which I lived and worked. With not only embarassment and humiliation for my former partner and I, it was a stunning revelation for both his and my family. Maybe it was the near death experience I had in 2002, when your life flashes before your eyes.

Just sharing it along. It can mean different things to different people. It gave me an infinite freedom, and I literally sank to my knees in thanks when I understood what it meant for me. I felt reborn and nothing in the past mattered anymore. No longer did I suffer the sheer agony of repetitive thoughts. To so many things, I could rip them up as if they were paper and toss them to the winds. I determined to let nothing and no one ever get me down again. Sure, I have hard times still, difficulties, helpless pains but they cannot and do not bring me down in the same way. I will never allow anyone to have that hold over me again, even myself.

“The one who is very attached to the cave of the body,
that one finds detachment very difficult. Those who
constantly crave for pleasure are hard to liberate and
certainly cannot be liberated by others, only by
themselves. Sometimes it is only death that brings a
realization of endings, and then the sensual person,
deeply immersed in the body, will shout: “What will
happen to me after death?

The way toward liberation is to train yourself to live
in the present without any wanting to become anything.
Give up becoming this or that, live without cravings,
and experience this present moment with full
attention, then you will not cringe at death nor seek
for repeated birth.”

And if it is “your time to go”, then this:

“When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.” –Chief Aupumut, Mohican 1725

The modern twist on this lyrics by Dashboard Confessional. Good stuff.

“Vindicated”

“Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I’m right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I’d be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away…

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption…”

I am flawed. I accept that. I can be happy just the same somehow.

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