The Half Century Mark, 2022 & a Short but Sincere Resolution

I am thankful to reach the half century mark, when life events might have seen me passed long ago. When the many days of pain, fury, grief or aloneness I was made to feel might stop my heart. I am thankful to continue learning about myself & the world: past, present & future.

The last 10yrs esp has been constant survival mode dealing with (among others) isolation, homelessness + unquestioned gossip of being a #Pretendian, things designed to crush with an arch smile. It does hurt. It was colonizer designed to.

“We only support Natives who live in their homeland!” was one comment a well-known Native newsperson posted to me after we’d been working on disseminating #NODAPL info to Germany for months, when most Natives aren’t able to live on their homelands anyway.

I didn’t have the energy nor time to spare for elitist comments, nor the anti-black, homo- & transphobic attacks I’ve had questioning my identity & affecting the support of my work. You see, I was more concerned with keeping my son alive, and that will always be my priority.

We moved to Germany in 2011 escaping domestic violence & so he could have the gender confirmation surgeries he needed. As he was a minor, I didn’t post all our business to social media, even if it would explain my silences, lack of publishing, changes in participation etc.

That he had 2ndary & other medical issues meant he spent most of the last 5yrs in hospital or recovery. In 2019, having part of an arm & leg amputated. In 2020, 5 more months in hospital therein infected with Covid19. In 2021 more disabling side effects.

Any caregiver will tell you how hard it is, but I was often working 50hrs as a cook, finishing a Bachelor’s then a Master’s + hrs on my projects such as @forgetwinnetou. All while having chronic illnesses myself & losing dear family & friends. Remembering some of the good times helped somewhat & I wrote about them sometimes. You’ll find such memories here & elsewhere.

Into 2022? The stupidity/greed of people & governments keeping the Corona Pandemic going heavily affects me too, but I’m looking forward to 50 more yrs fighting colonial & lateral violence, homo/transphobia, racism, sexism & ableism. Of supporting & meeting like-minded people, of furthering connections and keeping hope high & negativity far.

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